The Gift | A Horse Story

By: Teresa Byron Amen

The great man stood there in his radiant brilliance. All of nature was alive and reveled in his glory. The man was humble but everything commanded attention in his presence.

He was drawn to the pond and seemed mesmerized by the contents. His gaze was broken once or twice to look up and around but found no audience. Then instantly out of no where a black horse appeared. He walked close to the man and playfully nudged his arm to break his stare that he had on the water. The man gave the horse a knowing look that only the two would understand. He motioned him to join him by the water. The man turned his gaze back to the pond and the horse shared his focus of something far deeper that the ponds floor.

A picture came to view to the pair of on lookers and their stare was intense. A dark room appeared to them of a girl lying in a hospital bed. Although awake, she lay very still never opening her eyes. A large neckbrace seemed to encompass her tiny frame but in reality just fit what was intended. They saw her two hands clasped together as if in prayer. Her lips were moving but no words were heard only felt on their hearts. Just as they were about to look away two tears escaped her eyelids and slid down her cheeks to join the others that had passed that way.

He turned a pained expression to the attentive horse and cocked his head. The magnificent horse knickered to the omnipotent man as he raised his hand and touched a single index finger to the horse’s forehead. The beast’s ears pricked and fixated on a visual meant for him alone. The great man then stepped up to the horse’s head, cupping his hand to his ear, and whispered into them. He then stepped back.

Immediately the exquisite black horse reared up and struck the air with his hooves. He then descended down in slow motion and bowed his head in homage to the legendary man. Then in a flash he bolted forward and leapt into strides, which devoured the ground. He stood and watched the black horse until he disappeared from sight but his whereabouts already foretold. Then with a smile He nodded and closed his eyes.

The light above room 3412 went on and sounded at the nurse’s station simultaneously. The secretary at the desk pushed back from her desk to see what room needed assistance. “Mary,” she called. “Room 3412 rang.” “Ask her what she needs,” Mary yelled back. The secretary depressed the intercom button and spoke, “Can I help you?” she asked. There was a pause and then a weak voice said, “I was wondering if it is not too much bother, can you find out if I can have a pain shot?” the patient asked. “I’ll ask your nurse,” she replied. “Mary, she wants pain medication if it’s time.” “OK,” Mary said. “Thanks, I was just getting it ready.” Mary sighed as she thought of the patient in room 3412.

Teresa was a nurse also although not able to work any more due to her chronic illness, which had lead to numerous surgeries. Mary, a long time on the ortho floor, had seen her admitted to this floor numerous times and three times in the last twenty months for neck surgeries. The pain she endured seemed like it kept getting worse every time. She felt sorry for what she had become in contrast to the nursing supervisor she was before the neck operations. Teresa had been well liked by her peers and the doctors. She always pitched in to help and she was always a nurse advocate. Teresa had written up a doctor once for bad behavior toward Mary and Mary felt a kinship to her after that. Then when all these neck problems started Mary had insisted on taking care of Teresa. She wanted to repay the favor and to try to help her depression after Teresa found out her nursing career was done.

Mary entered the room and found her in the same position she had left her in hours earlier. Mary had emphasized moving to her patient but realized the bone graft sites from her left and right sides were very painful. They had to go one step further and harvest bone from her right buttocks. They made a lateral incision and removed yet more bone for the complete neck fusion.
As Mary entered the room she instantly felt saddened by the sight of fresh tears on her cheeks.

“Still hurting real bad?” she asked. Teresa attempted to nod but was quickly and painfully reminded of her Philadelphia collar retracting her neck. “It feels like a vice grip on the back of my neck.” Teresa moaned. “Well, that’s because of the 14 hours of surgery you had on your neck. Dr. Frey told us about what they did to your neck. They actually made you a new neck. You have a ‘bionic neck!’ They put metal stabilizers in front and a C-clamp from cervical 3 through cervical 7 and then metal wires from front to back. ‘They have the technology, they can rebuild you,’ she said and a smile remembering the “bionic man” movies.

“So I do have a reason to hurt so bad,” Teresa added. The smile left Mary’s face as she put a reassuring hand on Teresa’s leg. Mary let out a long breath and began. “Teresa you are no stranger to 3 west, or to this room for that matter. You have kept coming back. But you are my hero,” she said as her voice broke. “I could only dream to be a nurse like you. So please, she whispered, don’t feel bad because you need medications.”

Teresa held back sobs as she spoke. “It’s just my family. They think all these surgeries weren’t necessary. That I just let doctors cut on me.” Mary felt her face flush with anger. She remembered hearing the lectures going on to the effect that Teresa just needed to get tougher and learn to live with the pain. Mary chose her words carefully as she spoke. “Teresa, doctors, especially Dr. Frey do not spend 14 hours cutting on someone. He is more ethical than that.

You have been here for every surgery and I haven’t seen something being tough could have gotten you through. Unfortunately for you your family just doesn’t get it.” She put emphasis on the words “get it.” There was an awkward silence as Mary realized she hit a nerve with Teresa. “Sorry,” Mary said. “No, you’re right.” Teresa said. “My father told me I take more medicine than my mom did who died of brain cancer,” Teresa said somberly. “And my sister, well, she’s embarrassed of me. She thinks I have a problem with medication.”

“I can’t speak about your mom but there is a difference between a short-term medical problem and a long-term medical problem. I don’t want to make light about your mom, but you said she got sick and died 8 months later. You have been in and out of this ward for umpteen years…and as far as your sister,” she just shrugged her shoulders, “I can’t pass judgement on someone I don’t understand.” Teresa understood all too well but wouldn’t comment.

“Okay,” said Mary. “We need to get you turned, breathing and drinking so we can ditch your IV. I’m going to put the shot in the top of your thigh; your hips are sore enough.” Yeah. Teresa agreed. “This should help in about 30 minutes. I asked Dr. Higgins if I could give it sooner and he said that was fine. He said to make sure you are well taken care of,” Mary said. “I told him she has the best nurse caring for her.” Teresa smiled and agreed with her. She thought it would also be nice to feel cared for by her family, friends and God.

Dr. Frey came by before discharge to explain what he hoped would be the results of his surgery on her neck. “I told you before I operated on you that it was a salvage procedure,” he said. “If this didn’t work there wasn’t anything else he could do. I know from the shape your neck was in that there is permanent nerve damage so it will be a wait and see, as for the pain, it can be controlled. The strength in your right arm to come back will be very slow if at all. You will have to be very patient. So…try and keep out of trouble okay.”

He said this as he patted her leg and got up to leave. Teresa laughed at his sarcasm but she saw the concern in his eyes as he turned to leave. He stopped half way across the room and came back. “Teresa, I wish I had more to offer you,” he said. “I know this has turned your life inside out and changed your life permanently but I just don’t know. You are the first young person I’ve done this procedure on. We will have to wait and see.” Wait and see. The words echoed in her brain. All she had was time.

Teresa had finally decided that she could no longer deny the inevitable even with all her prayers and pleading to God she would have to accept the nightmare, which had become her life. She prayed and prayed and wondered if her prayers were falling on deaf ears. She was able to drive to church and she would sit during mass and say “God, why me? What did I do to deserve this? How do you expect me to support myself? I need help. Please Lord, I need help.” People at church would say you know God gives more crosses to bear to those he loves the most, or they would say suffering is a part of our life.

Count your blessings, things could be worse. OK. So, she thought about the positives in her life. She had her apartment but the roommates she had recently, were, well…. no comment. She still had her car and she could drive short distances. Her only possession was her horse. That had been a major sore spot with her family. “Why do you keep him? You’ll never ride again and you can’t afford him.” Teresa knew this but to sell him was to admit defeat. Although she had already disconnected herself from him she couldn’t bear to part with him. Just to know she still owned him was comforting. He made her dare to hope. To lose him would mean the end.

In September, nine months past surgery, Teresa got a call that her brother-in-law had suffered a serious stroke. Lenny was her oldest sister’s husband and had been like a brother to her. He had been married to her sister for as long as she could remember. She had loved him dearly. Lenny could not survive the severity of the stroke and it was devastation for her family.

Lenny was only 54 years young. His oldest son ran their family company and almost every sibling worked there including Teresa’s brother. Teresa found out after Lenny’s death that he was making a position for her at the company as an industrial nurse. Teresa bit her tongue when her niece told her. It was to be a surprise and soon as they got it all worked out. Of course, with Lenny’s death that would not be put into play. “It figures,” Teresa thought. “The one person who cared and was trying to help would have this happen to him. Life just wasn’t playing fair.” Once again Teresa thought, “Why God?”

Christmas came soon after but no one was over mourning Lenny. Carol, Teresa’s sister, called Teresa to ask her to come to Lenny’s office to take the blood pressure of office employees. Everyone, mostly Len’s boys were concerned about this silent killer. Teresa’s father was there also helping her sister get things in order. Teresa went to the office with her equipment and started taking everyone’s blood pressure. At this point no one was even asking Teresa what was going on with her. Teresa felt that they thought things about her that would only infuriate her.

When Teresa got to her dad of 79 years of age his blood pressure was good due to fact he took medication and had by-pass surgery. Teresa’s dad then said there’s someone I want you to meet, Bill Amen. Teresa had heard of Bill. In July on the same year Bill’s wife had taken her own life after several years of emotional despair. Lenny had been a pallbearer at her funeral 6 weeks earlier. Then Bill was a pallbearer at his best friend’s funeral. “Life is so cruel sometimes,” Teresa thought.

Teresa had heard of Bill Amen from Lenny. He always told her about Bill’s horse ranch and that he raised American Saddlebred Horses, a breed Teresa wasn’t familiar with. Bill was strong in his belief of God and he has more than been there for every body since Len’s death.

Teresa was introduced to Bill and she shook his hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “I’m sorry it is under these circumstances. I think I saw you at the funeral but that day was such a blur.” “Yeah, I know.” she answered. Then Teresa took Bill’s blood pressure and it was really high: 170/110. “Bill,” she said, “you are really hypertensive.” “I am?” Bill said. “Yeah, let me check your other arm.” she said. Teresa obtained close results on the other arm. “Do you have a family doctor?” she inquired. “Yes, I do.” said Bill. “Well, you had better go and get it checked,” she said. “I will,” he said. “But I think my pressure is up because of you.” Teresa laughed. Teresa’s dad then said,

“Bill has horses.” “I’ve heard that from Len,” Teresa said. “I’m not familiar with the breed.” Bill’s face beamed. “Oh, they are the most beautiful horse you’ve ever seen. They’re big and have long necks and they’re considered the peacock of the show ring. They are really something to watch perform. They think they are all that. I have a black one right not we’re getting ready to show at Stock Show. He’s a western horse because he doesn’t have any natural motion but he’s just plain exquisite. That is why we named him Exquisite Step.” “Wow,” Teresa said envious. “Come with me and watch him,” he asked. “Oh, I’d love to!” she exclaimed. “Well, then it’s a date,” Bill said.

The day at the Stock Show watching the black horse flew by. Teresa met a lot of Bill’s friends and watched horsew perform that put her in awe! Exquisite Step showed fair in Bill’s words. “He is still a baby, just turning three,” Bill said. “He was inexperienced and this was his first big show.” After his performance Bill took Teresa down to the stalls to see the black horse and meet Patty, the girl who was training him. Patty had curtains all the way around him so he wouldn’t be spooked of all the goings on. Teresa would never forget the feeling when she stepped behind the curtains to see this magnificent animal.

He stood 16 hands, jet-black with no white. He had the softest, kindest eyes she had ever seen. The black horse dropped his giraffe like neck and sniffed her in a playful way. If anyone could have described the look of the two it was like two friends being reunited. Teresa’s eyes told a story of love in a way that words could not describe. Teresa had the strangest feeling of DeJaVu. Just as Teresa was about to kiss him on the muzzle Patty stepped in. “OK, that’s enough. I don’t want him spoiled,” she said. Teresa respectively but unwillingly walked out. Bill met her outside of the stall curtain. “Well, what do you think?” he asked. Teresa appeared in a trance as she spoke. “He’s the most beautiful horse I’ve ever seen.” she said.

“Bill,” Patty said. “You’ve gotten a few inquiries on Dude. How much do you want for him?” Terror came instantly to Teresa’s eyes. “He’s for sale?” she blurted out. Everyone turned and looked at her. “Yeah, that is what you do with American Saddlebreds. Train them and sell them!” Patty shot back. “I don’t know,” Bill said. “I’ll think about it.” The knot in Teresa’s stomach loosened a little and she felt her breath come back to her. Bill had noticed the difference in her after she interacted with his horse. There was definitely something different about her…but what?

Bill and Teresa left the Stock Show and Bill said, “Let me show you my place and then we will get something to eat.” “That sounds great,” Teresa said. Bill gave Teresa the tour. She could tell that Bill was very proud of his small horse ranch. It had a small house, garage, 10 acres of pasture, several outside pens, and 21 box stalls with runs. He had a huge outdoor arena and round pen. It was nestled right up against the Flat Irons and a beautiful view of the lake only one mile away. There was a neighbor next door that was also a horse stable but nothing across the street. It was just a beautiful country farm. Teresa followed Bill around just taking in all the beauty and charm.

During dinner Teresa found herself going on and on about everything that had happened in the last years of her life. Bill was such a kind man and his presence was like a cathartic, in that she felt totally at ease telling him about her problems and the problems her family had given her and their lack of support. She mentioned Duke, her Fox-Trotter and that her family kept telling her to get rid of him.

“Well, that isn’t necessary,” Bill said. “I’ll just go get him and keep him at my place for free.” Teresa stopped right in the middle of chewing and said, “Really? Oh, I can’t let you do that.” she said. “No,” Bill said. “I want to. I think there are some things you could do to help me in trade. OK?” “Okay,” she agreed. Teresa smiled at this man who she was sure was an angel and destined in her life.

Bill offered for Teresa to move to the farm. There were 3 bedrooms so that wasn’t a problem. He wanted someone there to answer the phone and just kind of oversee everything while he worked. He wanted Teresa to help him get his house fixed up. He had let it go in the last 3 years.

Teresa moved to Amen Acres in May of ‘96.’ Teresa thought it was an appropriate name.

She felt such a sense of calm come over her body like this is were she was purpose to be. Bill showered Teresa with kindness and was very supportive about everything. He went to her appointment with Dr. Higgins and told him that he would take responsibility for Teresa and help her in any way he can. Dr. Higgins looked approvingly at Bill, shook his hand and said “Teresa’s a lucky girl.” Bill said, “No, I’m the one who is lucky. She’s had nothing but bad breaks but I have a feeling that is all about to change.”

Change is not the right word for what happened to Teresa’s life. Teresa felt more like she went through a metamorphosis from a moth to a butterfly. Not in her wildest dreams would she dare to dream that in the bleakest moments of her life would she meet the most wonderful, caring man that would make her every dream come true. That he would have in his possession a black horse that would rehabilitate and give her back a life far more blessed and fulfilled than any fairy tale could tell and through this she would have back the most valuable possession… her relationship with God and her sense of self.

Teresa had an appointment with Dr. Frey in June and he could not believe the progress Teresa had made. She was walking without any stiffness and the mobility in her neck was unbelievable. “Teresa, I’m delighted with how you’re doing. How’s your pain,” he asked. “Well, I still have it all the time but I can live with it and Dr. Higgins is managing my medications.” she said. Bill introduced himself to Dr. Frey and said, “I’m getting Teresa back on track.” Dr. Frey smiled and said he was doing a great job. “Question,” Bill asked. “Can she ride a horse?” Dr. Frey looked from Bill then to Teresa. “Teresa, you rode before, correct?” he asked. Teresa could only nod her head. “Is he a gentle horse?” Dr. Frey asked. “She won’t get dumped?” “No, he is very gentle, ” Bill replied. Teresa thought he was talking about Duke, her Fox-Trotter. “Well, her neck is stronger now than ever.

It’s been 11/2 years so the bone is cemented to the clamp so, I say, yeah, go for it.” Dr. Frey said. Teresa could not believe her ears. Tears came streaming down her face and Dr. Frey just hugged her and said, “I’m really proud of what you’ve done to get better. Keep up the good work.”

On the ride home Teresa said, “Bill, I can’t thank you enough. I would have never thought I could ride again.” Bill just smiled and looked at Teresa. “Let’s start today. You go in the house and change your clothes and I will get the horse ready.” Teresa still thought it was Duke.

When they got home Teresa raced in the house and changed her clothes and ran out to the barn. When she got in the barn she gasped. The black horse was standing there with a brand new show saddle on him. Teresa said, “Oh my!” And she just fell silent. Teresa looked from Bill to Patty and said, “I can’t ride him I’ll ruin him.” “No you won’t.” Patty said. “He’s really easy and he doesn’t have any tricks.” Bill handed Teresa the reins as she walked dream like to the arena.

Bill assisted Teresa up in the saddle and she felt as if a magic wand touched her head because her neck pain was gone! Patty told Teresa what to do and Dude worked as if on automatic pilot. Teresa felt like Cinderella and this horse was the perfect fit. Teresa had never felt such a oneness with a horse. It wasn’t for at least 20 minutes that she realized her pain was gone. Then she yelled, “Bill, my neck, it doesn’t hurt!” Bill beamed. “Teresa that is God’s way of telling you that this is your destiny.”

Destiny it was in the months that passed. Teresa and the black horse formed an impenetrable bond. Bill got her to start showing and it was poetry in motion. People would comment that it was hard to tell where Dude left and Teresa started. They were a dynamic duo of love and trust.

At Christmas time, as if not enough good had passed her way, Bill presented her with the black horse and a green wreath around his neck. She just ran and put her arms around Bill through the horse. Bill and Teresa’s friendship had grown into something greater than anything Teresa had ever experienced. Bill then started asking a question to Teresa but couldn’t find the words. “Are you asking me to marry you?” she smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “I am” “Well, I accept.” she beamed. And so they were married with Bill’s daughters and Bill’s grandchildren, who loved her dearly, and Teresa and Bill’s bestest friends, Jerry and Theresa Buralli.

The years that followed were somewhat of a blur. Teresa rehabilitated her arm and neck by using her arms to groom Dude and he knew it was his job to keep her moving and motivated and to take care of her. Dude and Teresa continued to show and win and win and win. Dude and Teresa became very well known in the Saddlebred world. Teresa had found something else she could do even being totally disabled. Their show record is unbelievable and by 2002 he had won 2 World Championships and Teresa now knows what God was waiting for. Teresa and Bill give all the glory to the Lord. People have offered Bill and Teresa huge amounts of money for Dude but they just reply, “He is a gift from God…. You don’t sell gifts from God. Because if you believe and have faith anything is possible, especially miracles.”

Teresa told Bill of a dream she had while she was sick about a man who she couldn’t find words to describe but she knew he was important, calling to a black horse. It seemed they had a discussion without words and then the horse took off. Now she knew it must have been the Lord sending her a message. “Thank You, God, for blessing my life with this incredible man and this horse that I can’t find words for. I hope I can be an inspiration to people and give back a little of the joy you have brought to my life. Amen.